Party Volcano's Halloween Consumer Report 2003.

As promised here is our Halloween Consumer Report 2003. You will only find public parties on this list. If we had to review private parties as well we would probably not be done by Halloween. Please let me introduce these well known party experts:

Uncle Daddy probably doesn't need any introduction. A picture says more than 1000 words: http://f1.pg.photos.yahoo.com/ph/partyvolcano/vwp?.dir=/Invitations&.dnm=uncledaddy.jpg

He and I came up with the idea and I must say it was a lot of fun.

Loud Jacket Russ organized the Casablanca Night some weeks ago. He knows everything about cocktails as well as what good parties part from bad ones. Although always polite and respectful I have seen him ripping apart parties - verbally - that didn't meet the basic quality standards for preparing and serving cocktails. It's good have him on board!

Imaginary Dana is one of the Three Imaginary Girls, who run a fantastic site about Seattle's music scene. She makes no claims to be a Halloween party expert. But her imaginary party views are extremely valuable to us and needed to be included in our consumer report.

Bulldada is another well known former PV reporter, who chose to go by this moniker. A fearless writer, who would pick up any fight and wrestle you to the ground - even if you were dressed up as a sheep. (The last sheep he wrestled beat him I shall add.)

Gates Ballard (not his real name of course) showed up and offered his help shortly after Heather's position as PV's party volunteer became vacant. His remarks are funny and insightful. He has a natural talent for downgrading events.

Ron Jeremy (whose real name is known to the editors) has built up party muscles over the last few years that are impressive. He is well connected to the local Burning Man scene and parties a lot. I mean: a lot. If you go to about 3 to 6 parties per weekend you naturally develop a taste that would only allow good parties to survive your criticism. That’s why we hired him!

Don Volcano would be me, the lucky host of this powerful roundtable. Lucky, because I know these wonderful people, who spontaneuosly jumped on board and provided such great comments for our readers. Thanks everybody.

Please also read this week's and next week's Party Volcano email for more details about the parties mentioned in this report. As always we would like to encourage you to send in your Cold Lava reports from this year's Halloween parties. Let us know how far we were off with our recommendations - or downgrades for that matter.

Cheers!

- Don Volcano

Friday, 10/24
The Odeon Bar Radio Show

Saturday, 10/25
Guerrilla Masquerade Dinner Party
World of Wigs
Hommel's, Russo's & Bressler's summer blow-out party
Pacific Decadal Transformation

Friday, 10/31 – Halloween!
Feralia Deceptiva
Halloween Masquerade
TROLL-A-GO-GO
The Monster's Bowl Halloween Party
Neighbors 80's Halloween Prom
BUMP 2003
CRAZYFUN HALLOWEEN COSTUME CONTEST MADNESS NITE

A Single Night of Terror

Saturday, 11/1
Day of the Dead Costume Cabaret
Noche de Los Muertos

Friday, 10/24

The Odeon Bar Radio Show

Event: The Odeon Bar Radio Show
Location: THE CATWALK CLUB
Date: 10/24
$$$: $5
Link: http://www.odeonbar.com
Description: “SEE blasphemous bands, bottle rockets, and buxom beauties run rampant”

Bulldada: chicken john is a freak. Last time I hung around his bar in SF there were cheerleaders outside wrestling people to the ground and beating them up. of cours! e, they were members of the Extra Action Marching Band, but still - this should be good.

Loud Jacket Russ: Both Chicken John and John Law are associated with Burning Man, right from its earliest days. But Chicken John is a famous San Francisco impressario in his own right (as I had learned from both Mr. Lucky and Otto Von Stroheim--who was involved in Chicken John's big Millenium New Year's Party). I had heard about Chicken John taking over The Odeon Bar in Frisco, and had promised myself to check it out the next time I was down there. So it's great to hear that The Odeon is basically coming to Seattle (at least for one night). And note the price of admission--this is another thing about a lot of 'underground' San Francisco events: $5!

Gates Ballard: who wouldn't pay $5 to see a busload of freaks take over a bar.. I'd pay even if they were from Pasco! Although I checked out "Rubbermans" website, and he's basically doing yoga in a Donnie Darko-ish bunny suit...not that I wouldn't pay $5 to see that! I'm confused that they are taking over the Catwalk.. will they all wear black? If I come in a pair of acid washed jeans, will I get it? Gates Ballard will surely not miss this show.

Ron Jeremy: Rube Waddell is worth the price of admission alone. This is the greatest band I have ever seen. In fact, I am planning on hiring them to do the soundtrack to my next movie. On the other hand, there is the Goth problem.

Saturday, 10/25


Guerrilla Masquerade Dinner Party

Event: Guerrilla Masquerade Dinner Party
Location: Mama's Mexican Kitchen
Date: 10/25
$$$: free
Link: http://www.gmpseattle.com
Description: “Remember, this month's official theme is Masquerade, so dress up, put on a mask, and come out for the 3 Ds - Dinner, Drinks, and Dancing.”

Uncle Daddy: Guerrilla costumers in tuxes at the Down Under. Good! gravy- imagine the irony! EDGY!

Don Volcano: Those crazy motherfuckers showed up as nasty clowns at the Tablet Anniversary Party two weeks ago. I am still having nightmares from that evening. Some cute boy was waxed – “detailed” is probably a better word – live on stage. A bunch of GMPies dressed as clowns were fighting over the used tapes, that the Wax MC was presenting and then throwing into the hungry crowd. Those nasty clowns that were lucky to catch one of those hairy and used tapes were sniffing them with triumph. Crazy motherfuckers…

Gates Ballard: When will Seattle catch on to the fact Mama's food is..BAD? No es bueno. They do have an Elvis room, though. The Down Under? I wish it was down under about 30' of water. Perhaps the GMP squad showing up there will be enlighting for the UW frat crowd at that joint. Next month - Santas at the Shark Club??

Bulldada: Mama's = heartburn. Lava Lounge = yuppies. DownUnder = pukity grossters. I'm going, but strictly with the intention to fuck with the patrons and maybe take home a fixture or two from downunder. Let's just say gmp is going to be the *start* of the evening and if it doesn't meet this freak's needs for madness I'm off to get me some better party action.

Ron Jeremy: Gates hit the nail on the head with this one. The food at Mama's blows chunks. It is almost as bad as the crap they serve at that overrated puke-shack Gordito's. What is it with Seattle and your propensity for confusing great ambience with edible food at Mexican restaurants?

World of Wigs

Event: World of Wigs
Location: Andy's Diner
Date: 10/25
$$$: free
Link: http://www.evite.com/pages/invite/viewInvite.jsp?inviteId=VWRTDRHOWRYYGNGJXDUH
Description: “Visit the world's newest countries, Wigdonia and Wiglandia, as they open their borders for the evening.”

Uncle Daddy: I heard WOW was good l! ast year. (P.V.'s C.D.O. Andrew scored BIGTIME!) However, 10/25 is a busy night- very competitive for your party attention. I would definitely attend this function (if I lived in the restaurant and moved only by shifting my torso).

Don Volcano: People in Europe tend to look down on education in the U.S. This event will prove those European snobs that they are wrong. Especially Wigdonians are famous for their intelligence and sense of humor. I don’t know about the Wiglandians, though. They still seem to eat from trashcans.

Loud Jacket Russ: Any party that takes place at Andy's Diner is worth your attention--with or without wigs. (Besides, this is one Seattle bar that refuses to serve cocktails in plastic cups. Smashing!)

Gates Ballard: All events with wigs I heartily endorse. Too bad it's over early, but it allows for party hopping. Start y! our night here. Andy's diner... you could probably get a contact nicotine high from the smoke encrusted walls. Did I mention Evites suck? In a town where you can't swing a G4 with out hitting a self-proclaimed "web designer", there is no excuse for not having a spiffy web page for your party...just ask Buffo and Hummel (see below)

Ron Jeremy: Wig 'n Skirt, Black Tie Big Wig, and now World of Wigs. Come on, wigs are *so* 20th Century. And don't even get me started on having a "party" at a restaurant. Can we move on please?

Hommel's, Russo's & Bressler's summer blow-out party

Event: Hommel's, Russo's & Bressler's summer blow-out party
Location: 2424 1st Ave S
Date: 10/25
$$$: $25
Link: http://www.francisnash.com/party/sincity.htm
Description: “Tickets are only $25 for a night of live performances, dance music, great food and an OPEN BAR serving top shelf booze all night!”

Uncle Daddy: Hosso & Buelle! r are only charging $25 to drink Potter's vodka in an unheated garage. Wear plastic bags over your shoes. (Oh c'mon, I kid!)

Don Volcano: This might be a hype trap. Every time I hear: ‘buy now, it’s almost sold out’ I get cautious.

Gates Ballard: Kudos on the website.. "Learn Flash in 21 days" paid off. And top shelf booze is often overlooked at parties by folks that could well afford to save their friends livers some wear and tear. They got vodka and rum, better have some Beam or Jack for us whiskey drinkers. But The PV flag goes up when we hear "premixed music playlist" as well as bands we've never heard of before. And it ends at 2am? Christ, that's just when my mojo really starts working. They say the location has that "Rave feel".. uhhhhh.. does that mean annoying tweakers with glo-sticks? And guys, Summer is OVER.

Ron Jeremy: Nice web page, but obviously they are trying too hard. What are they over-compensating for? And $25? You've got to be kidding me. I am going with the rest of the crew on this one -- too many red flags.

Pacific Decadal Transformation

Event: Pacific Decadal Transformation
Location: The VIP room at the Bad JuJu Lounge (1518 11th Ave.)
Date: 10/25
$$$: Free
Link: http://www.evite.com/pages/invite/viewInvite.jsp?event=CPLXFFWDAELPTRAOQXQP
Description: Come celebrate radical transformation by dressing up as the person, place, thing, or event that has most transformed your l! ife for the BETTER in the last ten years. The VIP room at the Bad JuJu Lounge (1518 11th Ave.) is upstairs, and has a full cash bar. Party starts at 9pm, and there will be flash-mob ceremony at 11:11pm. Come prepared to chant, yell, sing, pray to your past selves, and party your transformed ass off.

Imaginary Dana: My friend Lawrence is hosting this party on Saturday night the 25th -- a pre-Halloween/spiritual/drunken revelry sorta deal. He's got the VIP room at the Bad JuJu (the upstairs) reserved. - Hope this is helpful, and I'm honored you included me as a ‘Halloween Expert’.

Don Volcano: The VIP Room is one of the last hidden gems on Capitol Hill. It reminds me on Barca before Seattle’s frat boys discovered it. Here is the interesting thing about the VIP Room: It’s completely hidden! The Bad Juju Lounge with its depressed looking Goth clientele provides perfect camouflage. Nobody would guess that yo! u have to pass those sad faces and go all the way to the end of the Bad Juju Lounge where you will find stairs that will lead the way to a completely different section of the building. Once you have arrived at the VIP Room you will be surprised. The VIP Room looks like it has been set up by somebody with experience. We did a little bit of research and found out that the owner of the Bad Juju Lounge also owns Marcus Martini Heaven. – Here you go!

Gates Ballard: What the hell does ‘Decadal’ mean? The price is right , but I don't know if I can dress up as a giant Ecstasy tablet. If everyone is already there, how is the flash mob thing gonna work? And praying makes me nervous at ANY party. Amen. But maybe if you are gonna get your groove on at the Feralia Deceptiva thing, this would be a good warm up.

Ron Jeremy: Did somebody say Flash Mob? I am out of there.


Friday, 10/31 - Halloween


Feralia Deceptiva

Event: Feralia Deceptiva
Location: 153 14th Ave.
Date: 10/31
$$$: $16
Link: http://www.starborne.com/feralia_deceptiva
Description: “As the moth is drawn to the flame, we draw together to rememberance of greatest journey of all”

Uncle Daddy: Joni Mitchell and Abbie Hoffman's daughter, Joni Hoffman, will be selling "X" here. Her first customer- Carly S. Burroughs!

Uncle Daddy’s Evil Twin: Think an unwashed Janis Joplin, shrooming through a recurring yeast infection. (and don't forget the jug of gallo!)

Gates Ballard: Oracle gathering indisguise. The Seelie Court/Starborne tribe, which means some trance. And some more trance. Killer soundsystem though. People with un-pc costumes not welcome.

Don Volcano: I hope it’s better than Coitus Interruptus…

Ron Jeremy: Has anybody ever noticed that they don't serve booze at these things? On the other hand, some of those under-age hippie chicks are totally hot. I may show up briefly to do some casting for my next movie.

Halloween Masquerade

Event: Halloween Masquerade
Location: SAM
Date: 10/31
$$$: $75-$350
Link: http://www.seattleartmuseum.org/calendar/eventDetail.asp?eventID=5081&month=9&day=31&year=2003
Description: “| It will be a masked evening filled with dancing, indulgence, and fabulous surprises.”

Uncle Daddy: $75 for Jester Level tickets? How much for Sucker Level?

Don Vocano: Exactly. Check out how they list their prices: $75 Jester, $150 Diva, $350 Wizard. I think I am leaning more towards $1.50 Fuck You.

Gates Ballard: “Seattles best halloween party" yeah, if it's the only one you go to. $75 for the cheap tix says it will be boring rich folks and tech nerds. But good place to find crisp $20 bills on the ground

Ron Jeremy: If you need our advice to figure out whether this is the party you want to go to on Halloween, then I've got $25,000,000 sitting in Nigeria that I need your help with.

TROLL-A-GO-GO

Event: TROLL-A-GO-GO
Location: Old Brewery Building in Fremont
Date: 10/31
$$$: $12
Link: http://www.fremontartscouncil.org/events/gogo/index.html
Description: “An All-Hallows Eve extravaganza, haunted masquerade ball, & fundraising benefit for the Fremont Arts Council”

Uncle Daddy: This has been good in the past. Fremont residents come as themselves- could it be freakier? Me likey!

Don Volcano: It has been quiet around FuNC for a while. Do you remember last year when they were having expensive costume parties every weekend until we all got sick of them? Troll-A-Go-Go might be a fun event – if you succeed in getting that bad taste from FuNC’s 2002 parties out of your mouth…

Gates Ballard: This party was pretty good the last 2 years.. lets see, Fremont, belly dancers, world music dj, Kultur Shock.. multiculturalism runs amuck. New location this year should make for an interesting space. Beer and wine only, so bring a flask-who can drink Redhook all night? Usually has good costumes and aging hippies... sometimes aging hippies in good costumes.

Ron Jeremy: Up until three years ago this party was comically bad. But for the last two, it has sold out. Now it is a victim of its own success -- it sells out early, and is too crowded to be any fun. Go figure.

The Monster's Bowl Halloween Party

Event: The Monster's Bowl Halloween Party
Location: Garage on Broadway
Date: 10/31
$$$: $30
Link: http://seattle.craigslist.org/eve/17090446.html
Description: “includes free pool and bowling. 2 dance floors and $500 costume prizes.”

Uncle Daddy: Most Popular Costume- "French Maid Wearing Buttplug w/Horse Tail". Now you want him! to bowl?

Gates Ballard: Free pool and bowling - who's idea of a party is this? It sounds like a lame friday night at the Western Washington Univeristy student union building rec center. Now, if the booze was free that would be a PARTY. Or the food.. they have tasty app's there at the Garage.

Don Volcano: I actually like the idea of free pool and bowling at the Garage. But why did they pick Halloween? In my humble opinion they should have picked a different day. There are just too many other great parties going on that evening. There is a good chance that not many people will show up. In conclusion: good idea, wrong day. Or even shorter: great idea, next!

Ron Jeremy: Let's just face reality for a minute here. If you have to go to a bar on Halloween, it means you were not invited to any decent private house parties, and you are a loser, and I shouldn't be talking to you.

Neighbors 80's Halloween Prom

Event: Neighbors 80's Halloween Prom
Location: Neighbors
Date: 10/31
$$$: ?
Link: http://www.neighboursonline.com/mailinglist.htm#1031
Description:

Uncle Daddy: Snort me up, before you go-go.

Don Volcano: I could wear my sexy priest costume…

Gates Ballard: Plusses: cheap cover?&n! bsp; stiff drinks, great light/sound system/ convenient alley entrance Minuses: 80's music, extended drag queen lip synching, alley entrance, sticky floor/walls in men's room Did I mention the Barbara Streissand "the Movie" release party on the 29th? Put your costume on and Show up for THAT.

Ron Jeremy: Neighbor's is a surprisingly good place to meet heterosexual women. On the other hand it is a bar, and as you now know, there is no better way to prove you are a loser than going to one on the biggest party night of the year.

BUMP 2003

Event: BUMP 2003
Location: EMP
Date: 10/31
$$$: $35
Link: http://seattle.craigslist.org/eve/17196527.html
Description: “Costume Contest with a $1000 Grand Prize, plus many other prizes!

Uncle Daddy: Round-trip shuttles, spotless restrooms, and discount accomodations combine to bring you a convienient and satisfying Halloween experien! ce! Invite your parent's "cool" friends from Olympia!

Don Volcano: I assume batteries are not included?

Ron Jeremy: I'm sorry -- I take that back. There is a better way to prove you are a loser -- you could go to the EMP on Halloween.

CRAZYFUN HALLOWEEN COSTUME CONTEST MADNESS NITE

Event: CRAZYFUN HALLOWEEN COSTUME CONTEST MADNESS NITE
Location: The Crocodile
Date: 10/31
$$$: $8 without costume, $6 with!
Link: http://www.thecrocodile.com/
Description: “ANTS INVASION (Adam Ant tribute), EXPLODING BOYS (Cure tribute), BLACK CELEBRATION (Depeche Mode Tribute).
Plus spooky DJ DAVEY J spinnin' all your creepy faves, and prizes from local businesses like Sonic Boom and! the Crocodile!”

Imaginary Dana: Why not spend Halloween dancing to the oldies to a bunch of bands who mostly dressed like they were in costume? Wear black on the outside...

Gates Ballard: Lame ass name. I expected more ROC at the CROC. You could hit this and Neighbors 80's prom and get double the use out of your Pretty in Pink outfit. Then show up at the Cha Cha lounge and beat up some greasy haired indie rock kid wearing a t shirt 2 sizes too small. Now THAT’S CRAZY FUN MADNESS!

Don Volcano: I grew up with that shit – Adam Ant, Cure, Depeche Mode. And I still love them. The fact that those are tribute bands doesn’t bother me much. It makes me feel a little bit old maybe. But I shouldn’t whine. When ‘tribute’ changes to ‘revival’ that’s when you are turning into an old fart. I am going – if I find somebody who is picking me up from my retirement home.!

Ron Jeremy: Enough already with this bar crap, ok? Nobody is going to a bar on Halloween.

A Single Night of Terror

Event: A Single Night of Terror
Location: Consolidated Works

Date: 10/31
$$$: $7

Link: http://www.conworks.org/conworks.php3, http://f1.pg.photos.yahoo.com/ph/partyvolcano/vwp?.dir=/Invitations&.dnm=NightOfTerror.jpg
Description: “presented by The Now Device...”

Don Volcano: This one will be empty. Their ownweb site doesn't even mention it. Consolidated Works really needs to improve their PR. Sorry guys!

Saturday, 11/1

Day of the Dead Costume Cabaret

Event: Day of the Dead Costume Cabaret
Location: Ballard Segway (old Safeway) 5701 22nd Ave. NW (2 blocks N. of Market St.)
Date: 11/1
$$$: $10
Link: http://www.visiblevoices.org/visiblevoices.htm
Description: “The evening will feature a wide variety of Seattle area bands and other entertainment… So shake out your Halloween costume for one more night of fun.”

Gates Ballard: Ah yes, the old Ballard Safeway. Gates showed up at 4am for the tail end of an oracle ish gathering here... a huge space to say the least, needs some TLC to keep if from feeling like.. a Safeway. Bring your roller skates. Again, Band we've never heard of raises the red flag.
When does it end? 2? all night?? It is for a good cause, so show up, give em your $10, and if it sucks, leave and you won't feel jilted. Do I get a discount with my Safeway Club Card? Not that Gates shops at Safeway, mind you.

Ron Jeremy: Where I come from (Hollywood) there is one reason and one reason only to go to a party. And that is to hang around with celebrities. I do not see any indication that celebrities will be in evidence at this event.

Noche de Los Muertos
Event: Noche de Los Muertos
Location: TBD (This one did not work out: 316 2nd Avenue.)
Date: 11/1
$$$: $10-$15
Link: http://www.spacevirgin.org/party/
Description: “You'll be dancing on graves with tormented spirits, eaten by monsters, chillin' in the belly of the beast! …Two dance floors and one chill space featuring 12+ DJs”

Gates Ballard: The Space Virgins know how to party..losta decor, postive vibeage, and their bartenders kick ass. Although the booze it bottom shelf... hell, it's in the basement.

Don Volcano: This will be a big one. Terrible timing though for Noche de Los Muertos. They will come out as the loser I am afraid. Both events target the same group of party people. In fact Pat Cole who is involved in Noche de Los Muertos is the ultimate Space Virgin.

Ron Jeremy: Finally, finally, an event worth going to! The Space Virgins know how to party. And, they put out. In fact, I am planning on casting them in my next movie.